Speak up, don’t Die in Silence

By Phoebe Mwangi

“I was very creative when it came to take away my life. I remember thinking about cutting small pieces of razor blades and eating them up because they would cause internal bleeding. I actually did this, but it did not work”

recalls Linda.

Linda was probably once part of the statistics of an estimated one in 15 adults (6.7%) in any given year affected by depression globally, according to The American Psychiatric Association (2017)which also found out that one in six people (16.6%) will experience depression at some time in their life. Depression can strike at any time, but on average, it first appears during the late teens to mid-20s. Women are more likely than men to experience depression. Research by The American Psychiatric Association also found out that one-third of women will experience a major depressive episode in their lifetime and in most instances the depressed really don’t get to know that it is an ailment until it is too late.

“You never really know you are depressed. One usually discovers it when you’re deep in it. I discovered l may be depressed when l started being suicidal and self-harm gave me comfort”, says Linda who was diagnosed with depression during her teenage years. Linda narrates how when looking back, she can now tell the many symptoms that she went through, including feeling isolated and like she was in deep darkness with walls enclosing her.

As a mood disorder characterised by persistently low mood and a feeling of sadness and loss of interest, depression is a persistent problem, lasting on average 6 to 8 months. It causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed and sleepless nights as well.

“I had sleepless nights and I attributed it to insomnia while the people around me said it was as a result of staying up all night watching movies”, she remembers. Linda is a cheery petit lady who is full of life and there is an eagerness to take over the world. She is a student at Daystar University who is in a final semester and can’t wait to graduate. “I am a very extroverted person. When l suffered from depression l locked myself up in room and gave excuses from hanging out with my friends. I felt alone, it was me against the world and no one was there to help” Linda says.

Symptoms of the disease include loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed, inability to carry out daily duties, indecisiveness, restlessness, loss of energy, sleep problems, hopelessness and feelings of worthlessness.

Depressed people hang out with us all the time and yet we do not notice. From Linda’s demeanour you cannot tell the things she has been through or the scars in her life. Looking at her hands which are full of scars, you can easily assume that they are childhood scars with interesting stories behind them, but this is not the case. They represent her call for help to escape the reality that was then. “Cutting myself was very satisfying. I really wanted to end my life but at the same time this acted as a call for help, which no one noticed”.

The people who were meant to be there for Linda were not. They brushed her off and never thought that she had a real problem. As a result, she started bottling up her issues and never really talked to anyone

“Depression is not a disease that is understood. Many people see it as a need of attention from the victim. People have also become accustomed to using the word loosely to mean sad.”

Dr. Mbugua explains why depression is easily ignored and misunderstood for sadness.

There was hope for Linda when someone noticed her cry for help and that she was not okay: “My aunt was the first person to notice there was something wrong with me. She offered a listening ear, but l couldn’t talk to her because of the all the disappointment l felt. She got me a psychiatrist and l began the road to recovery” she says happily.

There is a lot to be done around mental illness and specifically depression. People need to research on the illness to easily identify friends and family members going through it and help. There is also a need to learn how to deal with someone who is depressed and currently receiving treatment.

Mental illness is an issue in Kenya and the public should be aware of how and what to do in case someone they know suffers from it. The World Health Organisation has started helping people through training them and thus making the treatment services available and affordable. Linda encourages people who are going through depression to speak out and avoid dying in silence as help is available.   It is therefore essential that Kenyans fight and change the outcome of depression.